I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
