dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
