Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
