ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
