Where is the hickey?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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