yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
