he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
