I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
