I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
