I hate all girls vehemently.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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