Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
