...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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