I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
