Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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