I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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