i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is wine microwaveable?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
