I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
