K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
