my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize