Just cropdusted the office
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
