Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
