Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
