your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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