Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
