Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
