I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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