Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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