She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
