since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
