You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
