drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
