I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
high people should be assigned attendants
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
