im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
