I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize