if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
why do cheetos always look like penises
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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