Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
