He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
