she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
