Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
