I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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