So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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