Are we in a gay sports bar?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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