you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
