i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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