for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
