glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
