Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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