shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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