don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
