i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
