Grow some girl-balls and come out already
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
