I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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