I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
