U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
