This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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