I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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