So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
