Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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