Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize