By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize