just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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