The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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