dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love having hate sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
