So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
