whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
